


God, no!

by StarkRogers135



Series: Angel!Dean Winchester series [45]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Dean Winchester, Angelic Grace, Awesome Sam, Character Death, Human Castiel, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt Gabriel, Hurt Sam Winchester, Implied Lucifer/Sam Winchester, Lucifer | Nick, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Gabriel, Protective Lucifer, Protective Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-31
Updated: 2013-10-31
Packaged: 2017-12-31 02:51:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1026408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarkRogers135/pseuds/StarkRogers135
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas gets his Grace taken away and his gets extremely sick, leading him to death and a very distraught Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	God, no!

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS A STORY. THEY ARE NOT INDIVIDUAL STORIES. IT IS ALL ONE STORY!  
> START AT "Die Trying" AND WORK YOUR WAY THROUGH IT.  
> They are suppose to be chapters, but they were put into a Series form, sorry for not telling you guys.  
> Well, Have fun!

It's been nearly two whole weeks since Cas left. For a few days, Dean just thought that Cas was calming down, but after Cas didn't come back in a week, that's when Dean started to really worry. Now that it was at two weeks, Dean was almost freaking out. Dean didn't want Cas to have that damn angel warding tattoo because of this! Cas was gone and Dean didn't know where! Dean was getting scared and he wanted back home and alive.

Sam was starting to worry about his brother. It's been two weeks and Sam was actually starting to worry about Cas as well. Lucifer was worrying too.

"Dean, we can go search for him. All of us can help." Sam said quietly.

"Sam, you don't understand," Dean said quickly. "Cas has an angel warding tattoo, he's not answering the phone he has, he-he could be hurt, o-or scared, or-" Dean was just rambling, scared as hell right now, the feeling of Sam grabbing his shoulders making his shut up.

Sam grabbed Dean's shoulders and stopped his rambling, "We can _help_ you search, Dean. Let us help." He looked his brother in the eyes.

Dean felt his shoulders shaking slightly. "I just want Cas to be ok." Dean said weakly. "He left because of me and I feel like this is all my fault." Well, this whole thing kind of _was_ his fault because Cas left. They never should've started fighting. They should've stopped before it got to this point. If they hadn't fought, Cas would be with them right now.

"You ain't goin' by yourself, Dean." Sam said firmly.

"Why not?" Dean asked, looking up at his too tall brother. "I'm the one who made Cas leave. He left because of me, Sam."

Sam looked at his brother for a moment before sighing, "Fine, but call if you run into trouble."

Dean ran his hand over his face, pressing the balls of his hands to his eyes and rubbed the tears away. "I-I know." Dean said weakly.

"Now, I'm gonna get you some things packed and then you can go." Sam nodded.

"Thanks." Dean muttered, playing with his car keys in his hands, looking down at them.

Sam smiled slightly then went to the other room to pack some thing in the duffle bag. He came back a few minutes later and handed it over to his brother. "I hope you fine him, Dean."

"Yeah," Dean said quietly. "Me, too." Dean put his keys and the bag down before going into his and Cas's room, grabbing a pillow, a blanket, and one of his hoodies and some sweatpants, all for Cas when and if he finds him. Dean would find Cas. He'd make sure of it.

"Be careful." Sam looked at Dean as he walked out the door.

"I will." Dean said and went out to the Impala, putting everything in the backseat.

Sam nodded then went back inside as Dean drove off.

Dean kept trying to call Cas. When he thought he was going to go to the ringing tone, it didn't happen. Dean felt like he was going to break. He felt like it was his fault that Cas might be dead or alive and freezing his ass off. Dean just wanted Cas back.

Cas walked around, freezing. He was now graceless, beaten, and bloody from an attack. Cas regretted everything he said to Dean. He wanted them to go back to not fighting and loving each other, but that clearly wasn't going to happen.

"Come on!" Dean snapped at his phone, the call to Cas failing. Again. He's literally tried over twenty times. Cas could be terribly sick or dying of an pneumonia the longer Dean wasn't with him. Dean hated this. All of it. He hated Crowley, demons, monsters, everything! Why couldn't their lives be normal? Then again, when was anything they did normal?

Cas felt weak from blood loss and made it up to the empty road then collapsed, shivering and curled up. He knew he was going to die if someone wasn't there to help him soon.

Dean had to drive out of Ohio because Cas obviously wasn't there. Cas had less and less time the longer Dean wasn't there. Dean drove as fast as he could without getting pulled over. Cas must be so damn scared and lost right now and hurting from the cold. Dean felt helpless, but he still kept going forward, desperate to find Cas.

Cas coughed and hid his face the best he could from the cold. He couldn't move, he was hurting so bad right now.

After countless hours, Dean thought he saw a shape in the snow. He couldn't make out who or what it was but he had a sick feeling in his stomach at _who_ it was.

Cas was still freezing. By now, he was coughing up blood. Cas whimpered when he felt someone touch him. "D-Dean." He whimpered, even though he didn't know it was.

Dean quickly knelt beside Cas, wincing at the blood his mate was coughing up. Dean wanted to cry and hold him and say how sorry he was. "Hey, Cas. Hey. You're alright now. You're going to be perfectly fine. I swear," Dean tried soothing. It hurt Dean to see that Cas couldn't even hold his own weight up. He carefully picked Cas up, scared at how light Cas was now. "God, I'm so sorry..." Dean whispered into Cas's icy cold hair.

Cas coughed more as Dean put him in the car. He reached up and touched the blood from his mouth and whimpered, hearing Dean get into the driver's seat. "I...ap-polog...ize, D-Dean." He shivered, coughing more.

"Shh...don't talk..." Dean soothed, carefully removing Cas's icy clothes and put the dry, warm one on, wrapping the blanket around Cas and healed him of his wounds, though unable to heal Cas of the blood he keeps coughing up. "You're going to be alright. I swear, Cas." Dean repeated before pulling Cas close, putting the heat on to try and warm Cas up. As Dean drove, he pulled his phone out and called Sam immediately.

Sam looked at the caller ID and answered, "Hello?"

Cas whimpered and cling to Dean as he coughed more.

"Shh...hey, you're gonna be fine, Cas," Dean soothed. "Sammy. I found Cas. Just in time, too, because he's not looking the best right now..."

Sam frowned and sat up, getting dressed again with the phone pressed between his shoulder and ear, "What happened and where are you?"

Cas shook his head, letting out a shuttered breath.

"We're in Indiana and I'm driving Cas to a hospital," Dean said urgently. "I dunno what he has but it doesn't look good." Dean said worriedly.

"We're on our way there. Be there in a few. What hospital?" Sam pulled his shirt on then turned to Lucifer, who was fully dressed again, and at Gabriel who just appeared.

"Medical Center of Southern Indiana in Charlestown." Dean said, speeding towards the hospital.

Sam nodded then gasped as they were transported by Gabriel, immediately, to the hospital. "W-We're here. Damn it, Gabriel. Warn me next time." He sighed.

Cas coughed a bit more then stopped and his head started to fall from Dean's shoulder.

"Shit," Dean cursed after he hung up. "C'mon, Cas. Baby, stay with me." After there wasn't a response, Dean transported them, and the car, to the hospital. Dean shut the car off and pulled Cas into his arms, wrapping his warm wings around Cas's icy body. Nobody but Gabriel and Lucifer could see them. It hurt him that Cas couldn't see them anymore, either. Dean carried Cas out of the car and hurried inside the hospital.

Sam got the doctors and nurses to put Cas on a stretcher. He grabbed Dean and pulled him back against his brother's screaming and fighting, "Dean, stop! They need to help him." Sam kept his arms around Dean tightly.

"No!" Dean screamed, struggling in Sam's arms. "I want Cas! Let go!" he cried, tears burning in his eyes. With everything going on, he started hiccuping on his sobs, fighting and flailing to get free.

Sam held his brother closer until he wore himself out then turned him around, holding him as he cried against his chest, "Shh..." Sam tried to soothe.

Dean coughed on his rough sobs, trembling in Sam's arms, crying that he wanted Cas.

After an hour, the doctor came out slowly looking down.

Sam's jaw clenched and he nudged Dean.

Dean had fallen asleep within that hour, his head laying on Sam's shoulder. "What?" Dean sniffled, rubbing his eyes.

"The doctor is here." Sam helped his brother sit up.

"How's Cas?" Dean asked quickly once he was more awake. "Please tell me he's alright. I told him he'd be alight."

The doctor frowned and shook his head, "We've done all we can. He won't make it through the night. I'm sorry. You may see him. He should be awake now."

Dean felt tears in his eyes. Cas couldn't die. He...no. He couldn't die. Dean promised Cas he'd be perfectly fine. This is not perfectly fine! He shakily stood, nodding to the doctor.

The doctor waited for Dean to stand before showing the blonde haired man to Cas's room.

Dean stepped into Cas's room. "Hey, Cas..." Dean said weakly, going over to the bed.

Cas slowly looked at Dean and frowned, "I am...sorry." He winced in pain.

"Don't be sorry," Dean whispered, laying next to his mate. "Please, don't apologize, Cas. That's the last thing I want. I just...I want you to...not...leave me..." Dean said, struggling with the last part.

"I'm never...going to leave you, Dean. I am going to be fine." Cas smiled weakly, moving closer to Dean. "When I get out of here...We are going to keep hunting and possibly play a few pranks on Sam." He laughed softly then coughed and groaned, wiping the blood from his mouth.

"J-Just relax, baby." Dean whispered shakily, running his fingers through Cas's hair with a shaking hand. "Promise me you won't die, Cas. Please." Dean said, feeling warm tears falling down his face.

"I am not going...to die. I'm just dehydrated and cold, but I will be better soon." Cas gave a bright smile up at Dean.

Dean nodded weakly. "Just...just promise me you won't die." Dean said weakly.

"I promise, Dean." Cas sighed and laced his finger with Dean's. "I'm...sorry that I-" he stopped to cough again, this time it was rougher. "Th-That I yelled at you." Cas cleared his throat.

Dean gently held Cas's hand, lightly kissing his mate's knuckles. "Don't apologize," Dean whispered, his tears falling still. "It was my fault that you're here. Can we not talk about it anymore please?" Dean frowned. Apparently the doctors haven't Cas he wouldn't make it through the night. Maybe Dean could just heal Cas. Or go back up to Heaven and find Cas's Grace again. He didn't want Cas to die. He didn't!

"Okay. Fine." Cas rolled his eyes a bit. "Stubborn as always." He chuckled. "I requested something earlier. I was hoping you would play it with me." He smiled a bit then slowly leaned over, coughing a bit before he sat back up with a rectangular box in his hands. "Do you remember this game?" He held up the game box that read 'Sorry' and grinned.

 _Might as well make the rest of the night last._ Dean thought to himself, sensing Sam and the other two angels outside the door in case something happened to Cas and Dean didn't want to leave. "Yes. I remember." Dean said with a tiny smile.

"You want to play it with me?" Cas asked quietly, glancing over at Sam and the others. "Hello." He smiled.

Sam smiled a bit and waved.

Lucifer smiled and nodded. He looked over at Gabriel who was starting to tear up.

"Sure, baby," Dean said. "I'll play." Not wanting to get up, Dean used his Grace to pull the bed tray over to them, helping Cas set the game up.

Gabriel couldn't watch his baby brother suffer in pain anymore. Even though he wasn't really in pain but just numbed, Gabriel still couldn't bear to watch. He was gone in a flutter of wings.

Cas frowned, "Where'd Gabriel go?"

"He went to go get some food. I'll go check on him for you." Lucifer smiled and left in silence.

Sam looked at Dean when Cas went back to setting up the game.

Dean looked at Sam, as if they both knew what one another was thinking. "You can go first." Dean said after they set their game up.

Cas took the first turn and moved his piece two spaces.

Lucifer appeared next to Gabriel on top of the hospital. He sat next to his brother, staying silent until Gabriel was ready to speak.

Dean would keep playing until Cas was tired, until the game was over, or until Cas...left. Dean hoped it was one of the first two. He didn't want to have Cas die. Cas keeps him in like and keeps him from wanting to kill someone.

Gabriel swallowed hard. "I just...I couldn't stand there any longer," Gabriel said weakly. "Cassie is suffering and and can't manage to watch that anymore."

Cas sighed and kept playing even though he felt tired.

"He wants you there, Gabriel. You're his favorite..." Lucifer said softly, gently placing a hand on Gabriel's shoulder. "You need to spend as much...time with him as you can."

"Tired?" Dean asked, watching Cas rub his eyes. Dean would be more scared when Cas goes to sleep because Cas could die at any moment. That's what scared him.

Gabriel hesitated but nodded the slightest. "The doctors didn't tell Cas he wouldn't...make it through the night, did they?" Gabriel sniffed.

"Yes, but I want to keep playing." Cas smiled tiredly.

Lucifer frowned and shook his head, "No. So, it's best if you try to act happy and possibly talk to him. Plus, when...when he dies, you'll be able to visit him, right? Something that I will never be able to do." He felt a lump in his throat.

"Sure," Dean said, laying his head on Cas's shoulder. "We can keep playing if you want, Cas." Dean said.

" _If_ he dies," Gabriel said insistingly. He was starting to sound like Dean. "He's going to do everything in his ability to stay alive for."

"I want to keep playing." Cas yawned a bit. "What time is it?"

"Gabriel..." Lucifer frowned. "You need to face the facts."

Sam sat down in the corner of the room, watching his brother and Cas in silence.

"Umm. It's around eleven right now," Dean muttered, making his turn in the game.

"I know." Gabriel nodded weakly, and was gone in a flutter of wings, appearing in Cas's room.

Cas looked over at Gabriel and smiled, "Hello."

Lucifer sighed, appearing sat next to Sam.

"Your turn." Dean said, laying his head gently on Cas's shoulder, hardly putting any weight on it.

"Hey, Cassie." Gabriel said, sitting cross-legged in a chair.

Cas took his turn then laid back with a sigh, "I'm just tired. Did you have fun while you were out?" He smiled at his brother.

Dean drew a card and moved one of his own green pieces back to the 'Home' spot.

"Yeah," Gabriel murmured. "It'd be more fun if you were with me." he said quietly.

"Well, when I get out if here, we can. We can go anywhere we want. Though, you would have to help me with that, because I am human." Cas gestured to his body and chuckled, coughing a bit.

"Try and relax." Dean soothed, gently petting Cas's hair soothingly.

"Yeah." Gabriel said wht a small smile, looking up at his little brother.

"I want to stay awake and talk, Dean." Cas said sleepily. He sighed and looked over at Lucifer, smiling a bit when he saw his brother asleep against Sam. "You wouldn't believe it if you were told, but Lucifer looks peaceful when he sleeps." Cas said softly.

Sam looked up and nodded with a smile at Castiel, "He wanted to stay awake, but going after Gabriel took alot out of him."

Dean smiled a little, looking at his mate. "Wanna keep playing, or just talk?" Dean asked.

"I want to talk. Too tired to play." Cas frowned then looked at Gabriel, "Why are you so sad?"

Dean nodded and tapped the 'Sorry' box, the game immediately getting put away.

Gabriel looked up. "I'm not sad," Gabriel said with a small smile.

"Gabriel, I've known you long enough to know when you're not happy. Why are you upset?" Cas murmured.

"I'm fine," Gabriel insisted. "Really. I am, Cassie." he muttered.

Cas sighed, but didn't press into it, "Okay." He was silent for a moment before he had another coughing fit and sat up. Cas groaned and wiped the blood away, leaning back again. He whimpered and looked at Dean, "I'm not going to be able to go hunting or do anything anymore, am I?"

"Yes, you will," Dean whispered, kissing Cas's hair. "Once you're out of here, you'll be able to go on hunts with us again..." Dean promised, even though he knew it wouldn't happen. He wanted to be believe it but he couldn't.

"Dean, don't...lie to me." Cas swallowed. "The doctors will not tell me what's going on. So, I believe it is not good." He sighed and pulled Dean closer.

"I'm not lying," Dean said, his voice cracking slightly. "I promised you before that you'll be fine and I plan on keeping that promise, alright?" Dean was breaking in front of Cas and he hated it.

Cas rolled his eyes, "Yeah. Well, on the bright side. When I die, I will be able to see Gabriel. He's not banned from Heaven." He looked over at Gabriel, "Right?"

"You're not gonna die, Cas." Dean told his mate, looking into dull blue eyes. Cas was already fading fast and it was scaring Dean.

Gabriel looked over at his younger brother. "Yeah. Yeah, you'll be able to see me and the others."

Cas sighed and looked at Lucifer who was now awake and looking at him, "Can you guys give me a minute to talk to Lucifer?"

"Sure." Gabriel nodded and got up.

Dean didn't really want to leave. What if something went wrong with Cas and Dean wasn't there with him? That's what scared him the most. Dean looked up when he felt Sam gently pull on his arm.

"Dean, please." Cas frowned. "I need to talk to my brother alone."

Sam looked at Dean and pulled him from the bed.

Dean hesitated before he got up, first kissing Cas's hair softy, following Sam and Gabriel out of the hospital room.

"What's up, Cas?" Lucifer asked and stood, going to sit in the chair that Gabriel was just in.

Cas waited until the door shut before he sighed and relaxed, "I've been trying to keep strong for him, but I'm just tired. Lucifer, I know I'm going to die. I just wanted to keep on a smile for Dean."

"You don't know that you're going to die." Lucifer frowned, gently taking Cas's hand in his own, "Alright? You don't know what's going to happen. Like you, Dean is trying to stay strong for you, but...it's not going so well for him and it's kind of obvious, too."

"Brother, look at me. I am not well and I'm cold." Cas sighed. "I'm not dumb, but this isn't what I wanted to talk about."

Lucifer frowned more. He sighed, defeated, "You're weak, yes. I understand that." He said. "What did you want to speak about then?" Lucifer asked, looking into dull, no longer bright with life, eyes.

"We never speak. I wanted to apologize for giving you the cold shoulder when all you've done was try to help." Cas coughed a bit and groaned.

"It's alright, Cas." Lucifer said with a small smile crossing his lips, "I knew you've wanted to apologize all those times that you didn't."

Cas smiled slightly, "Do you remember the time when I was young, a fledgling, when Gabriel tried to make me fly?"

Lucifer smiled weakly. "Yes. I remember." He chuckled. "Gabriel wanted to play big brother instead of me or Michael always doing that stuff."

"Remember when he threw me and I got stuck in the tree then again I landed head first into a cloud." Cas chuckled then coughed. He cleared his throat and sighed.

Lucifer laughed a bit at that, "Then you made a scene about how Gabriel was the worst teacher but you both made up a week later." Lucifer smiled.

Cas nodded and smiled, "We had fun. You pulled me from the cloud and Michael got me from the tree."

"Yeah." Lucifer said. He looked down at the white bed sheets, "One day in Heaven, you and I, we were sitting on the clouds. I remember, very well, that you said that you 'Enjoy watching the humans down on Father's creation'." Lucifer looked back up at Cas. "You remember that?"

Cas nodded, "Yes, I do. What about it?" He tilted his head.

Lucifer shrugged a bit. "I dunno." He murmured, "For a two-year old, I just found it odd that you'd enjoy watching humans." Lucifer said, "Then again, you were an odd boy."

Cas narrowed his eyes and shoved Lucifer's shoulder a bit, "Shut up." He laughed a bit.

Dean listened to Cas and Lucifer, sitting against the wall outside the room with his eyes closed. Dean was still worried and he hated it. Dean wished he could heal Cas and prevent him from dying. Dean knew that it was impossible, so why waste his energy?

Lucifer smiled brightly, looking at his slowly dying little brother. "You still are a bit odd sometimes." He teased.

Sam looked at Dean and sighed, "Dean, get away from the door. He said he wanted a private conversation."

Cas rolled his eyes and yawned a bit, "I guess." He sighed tiredly.

Dean opened his eyes a bit. "Dude, 'm not even listening. I don't even know what they're saying." he mumbled, closing his eyes again.

"Tired?" Lucifer asked quietly.

Cas nodded, "Really tired. I know...that I'm not going to live through the night, Lucifer. The only thing I fear is seeing how Dean will react to my death."

"Do you want Dean back in here to lay with you?" Lucifer murmured slowly. It was coming down to the final hours before Cas was gone for good. No magic spells, no Grace healing him, not even Latin to bring him back.

"Yes, but I don't want him to see me die." Cas shook his head, tearing up.

"He's not gonna leave, Cas." Lucifer murmured, shaking his head, "Even if you do die."

Cas sighed and frowned, wiping away his tears. "Right. Okay. Yeah. They can come back in now. Thanks for talking." He smiled.

Lucifer nodded slowly and gently kissed Cas's forehead, something he hasn't done since Cas was a fledgling all those years ago, but in a more brotherly way. Lucifer stood and walked to the door, looking down at Dean, "Dean?" he said, the half-angel looking up, "Cas wants you back in there."

Dean opened his eyes, looking up at Lucifer before carefully nodding and quietly stood, going back into Cas's room.

Cas looked up a bit, his eyes heavy lidded, "Hello, Dean." He smiled weakly.

Sam looked at Lucifer and sighed, pulling him into a hug.

"Hey, Cas," Dean said quietly, laying next to his mate and lightly kissing his hair. "Go to sleep if you have to. I'll be right here when you wake up."

Cas frowned, leaning his head up then kissed Dean on the lips deeply.

Dean squeezed his eyes shut, returning the kiss with tears falling down his face, though he chose to ignore the wetness on his face.

Cas pulled away slightly and smiled, "I love you, Dean." He kissed the corner of his mate's mouth before laying his head on Dean's chest.

"I love you, too, Cas," Dean whispered. "So damn much and I don't want you to go. I'll-I'll find a way to get into Heaven. Gabriel can take me with him and then I can see you whenever I can, alright? Sound like a plan, baby?"

Cas has already fallen asleep, pulling Dean close and sighing softly.

Sam held Lucifer tight in his arms and looked over at Dean then Gabriel.

Dean sighed shakily, tucking Cas's head under his chin, starting to quietly sing Carry On My Wayward Son to Cas, even though the other male was asleep.

After an hour, Cas whimpered and gripped Dean's jacket tightly, panting a bit.

Sam looked up as it stopped. He looked at Cas then at Dean.

"Shh..." Dean whispered, hearing Cas's breathing labored. It made his chest hurt. "Just relax, Cas." Deans voice still shook, knowing Cas was even closer to dying and it was dreaming him out.

Lucifer looked over at Gabriel, who was watching Castiel like a hawk, and frowned.

Cas's breathing started to shallow with every breath he took.

Dean closed his eyes tight, trying to calm Cas down but it didn't seem to be working. Seconds later, Dean could feel Cas's heart not pounding as fast anymore. Instead, he felt it gradually slowing. Dean kept telling Cas that everything was going to be alright.

Sam watched Dean closely, going to grab Dean when something happens. Which was going to be soon.

Before they knew it, there was a flat line sound on the monitor, Cas falling limp in Dean's arms as he cried into Cas mate's dark hair, crying for Cas to come back. Every time Dean tried to bring him back, it didn't work. Cas was really gone this time. No take backs. No Latin. Nothing.

"Dean." Sam stood and walked over, trying to pry Dean away.

Lucifer turned the sound off and grabbed Gabriel back before he could lunge at Cas, "Brother, no." He said softly, engulfing his arms around Gabriel.

Dean pushed Sam off him, continuing to hold Cas to his chest. He coughed and hiccuped on his sobs, trembling hard. He was pried off by one of the nurses, though he tried to get back to Cas, but Sam held him back. Dean blocked out all the voices, especially the one that said, "Time of death, 11:47 pm." Dean hated that voice. "Cas!" Dean yelled, struggling and flailing in Sam's arms. Dean was desperate to have Cas back already. He was too young to die! Dean could hear Gabriel cry into Lucifer's chest, but Dean kept fighting against Sam, not wanting to leave Cas.

Sam grunted as Dean pulled and fought him off. He tightened his grip around his brother and dragged him from the room.

Lucifer pulled Gabriel from the room and held his brother as he cried.

"No!" Dean screamed. "Cas! _Cas!_ Let go of me!"

Gabriel clutched to Lucifer's shirt, looking over at Dean with watery eyes as he felt Lucifer hand cup the back of his head.

Sam felt tears sting his eyes as he walked Dean outside and pushed him up against the car as a restraint.

"Shh..." Lucifer kissed the top of Gabriel's head. "It's okay, Brother."

"Let-Let go!" Dean cried, struggling against Sam's iron grip. "Dammit, let go!"

Gabriel shook his head and buried his face into Lucifer's chest again, screwing his eyes shut.

"Dean, stop it." Sam started crying. "Please, stop it, Dean."

Lucifer pulled his brother tight to him and held him as he cried more.

"I want C-Cas!" Dean sobbed, feeling himself breaking down fast. "H-He c-can't be dead! H-He can't!"

Gabriel looked over at his dead brother with teary eyes, watching as the nurses took the IVs out, finally putting the blanket over him. "C-Can we go back to the motel?" Gabriel asked shakily.

Sam frowned and pulled his brother close, seeing as Dean wasn't fighting much.

Lucifer nodded and they were in the motel.

Dean coughed on his cries, feeling like his legs were going to give out at any minute. "I-I want Cas!" Dean cried into Sam's shoulder, trembling.

Sam held his brother up and sighed shaky, "I know, Dean."

Dean coughed on his rough sobs, trembling badly. With a thought, Dean had Cas's trench coat in his arms, Cas's scent still strong on the coat. Dean felt Sam move him into the passengers seat, Dean just clutching the tan coat with his knees pulled to his chest.

Sam frowned and slid in next to his brother, "It's gonna be alright, Dean."

"No, i-it's not," Dean hiccuped. "Cas i-is gone because of me, dammit!"

"It's not your fault. Now, I don't mean to make you even more upset, but it was his fault. He didn't want to talk it out. He left. So, it's his fault." Sam tried comforting, though it probably wasn't the best.

Dean trembled and curled in on himself, blocking out all sounds. He didn't want to hear anything right now. He wanted to hear Cas's voice but that wouldn't be happening any time soon.

Sam looked up as a nurse came out and motioned for him to come in. "They're calling us inside, Dean. Come on."

Dean blinked and sniffled quietly turning his hearing back on. After getting himself composed enough for him to walk on his own, Dean got out of the car, clutching Cas's coat tightly as he followed Sam back into the hospital.

Sam walked up to the hospital and followed the nurse inside.

"Who is legal guardian or...?"

Sam looked at Dean, "Do you want to take care of this or should I?"

"You." Dean said quietly, his voice breaking. Dean went over to a chair and sat down in it, just watching Sam.

Sam signed some papers and walked over to Dean, "Funeral or Hunter's Funeral?"

"Funeral," Dean mumbled into Cas's coat. "I-I want to see him everyday at the cemetery or w-wherever he's gonna be buried..."

"Where? Same place as mom and Jess?" Sam sat next to his brother.

"Yeah..." Dean nodded, his voice quiet and gruff. He just wanted Cas to be back with him and alive.

Sam nodded and looked at Dean, "They will do everything. Do you want to go back to the motel?"

Dean nodded weakly, rubbing his eyes. Dean didn't know if he'd be able to sleep at night now. Dean was _not_ going to take pills, either to help him with that.

Sam put one arm around Dean's waist and helped him out to the car, gently placing him in the passenger seat, "There y'go." Sam went around to the driver's side and started the car, driving back to the motel.

Dean was silent the entire way back to the motel, keeping the trench coat tight to his chest. No matter how battered it got, Dean would never get rid of it. It was the only part of Cas that Dean had left. He couldn't lose it now.

Sam finally pulled into the motel then shut the car off, getting out and going around to Dean's side. He opened the door and held out his arms, "Want me to carry you inside?"

Dean looked at Sam for a moment, silent, before he nodded slightly, letting his brother him up and carrying him inside.

Sam opened the door then stopped when he was hushed.

Lucifer held a finger to his lips then looked down at a sleeping Gabriel pressed into his side.

Sam nodded and quietly closed the door. He walked over to the bed and laid Dean down. "Want me to stay?"

Dean nodded, still quiet. Dean pulled his boots off with his toes, refusing to let the coat go. With Cas gone, Dean wasn't sure if he'd be able to focus during hunts anymore.

Gabriel whimpered in his sleep, gripping Lucifer's shirt and sensing up as he dreamed about Cas when he was still alive but dying.

"You soaked my shirt." Sam sighed then removed his shirt, laying down. "C'mere." He held his arm out for Dean to come closer.

Lucifer kissed the top of Gabriel's head and sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. "It'll be okay, Brother."

Dean muttered a quiet "Sorry" to Sam before going to lay next to Sam, rubbing his eyes with his sleeve.

Sam sighed and pulled Dean to him, his brother still clutching the trench coat.

Dean pressed his head against Sam's chest, trying to imagine that it was Cas holding him.

Sam rubbed his thumb back and forth soothingly on Dean's arm.

Dean ground his teeth together to stop any noises from coming out. That didn't go so well as he hoped. Dean cried into Sam's shoulder, trembling, and saying that it was his fault Cas is dead over and over again.

Sam pulled Dean closer and frowned, holding his brother as he cried.

Even though Sam was able to sleep through the night, same with Gabriel and Lucifer, Dean just couldn't fall asleep. He was way too miserable for all this.


End file.
